Monday, April 25, 2011
To my Uncle Andrew
As a child, I spent most of my time at your house watching grandma threaten you with that wooden spoon. I knew that most kids didn't stay at their grandma's house because their parents both worked long hours, but I loved it there so I never really minded at all. You know that since you were only 8 years older than me, you were in nearly every way like my older brother. You took so much pride in teaching me how to do everything from eating my cereal to tying my shoes. Strange that I can remember these events, but I do and so many others. Those are the simple things that one doesn't think about in your day to day life, but clearly shows how close we were.
Beyond these early childhood memories, I remember incessantly playing board games with you. (To those that know me, I rarely lose at strategic games- and this is a skill I learned from Andrew.) I'll never forget how in a game of Risk you and I took out several other players in a masterful game. It was clearly going to go down to you and me, but in a complete betrayal you broke our treaty without warning and finished me off in a single move. The best part is that you did it with a smile. No hard feelings, just the game Jake. That is where I learned about having a killer instinct, but pulling it off with charm. Fuck you for ambushing me again by dying so young Andrew, especially because I know I could take your ass at Risk now.
As an 8 year old, I took over your paper route. I had to be 10 to officially be a paper boy, so I took over your route and just kept it in your name. I remember still you teaching me on the perfect techniques for folding a paper, the correct angles for throwing the paper, even how to shoot a rubber band with the deadliest force. (Ha, you also taught me how to steal a newspaper out of a vending machine, and how to get a parking meter loaded with time using only my shoe.) I realize now that much of my teaching skills come from you. Always trying to discover the best and most efficient way, and teaching it to others. That was you, and that is me.
Later, I spent many years working at my dad's automotive repair shop. You managed the shop at the time and I worked there after school and during the summers. You taught me the basics of course, but much more importantly you taught me how to solve problems. I remember you once telling me that a car needed a water pump replaced. I asked you how to do it, and you merely pointed at it. "There it is... take it out and put the new one in." That was it. You knew I had watched you do it several times. You had trained me on how to organize parts as they are taken off. I had been taught the component lessons, now I had to just put it all together. And so I did. I did it wrong of course, and had to pull it all off again. Then put it back together again, and then I forgot something else. And then I did it again. It took me 12 hours for a 2 hour job, but I learned. I learned not just how to replace a water pump, but I learned that I could pretty much figure out anything if I put my mind to it. Fuck me if I didn't end up getting a PhD doing the exact same process. There was no way I should have been able to do half the things I was doing at that shop. Thinking back to how much trust you put in me, how much you pushed me to solve problems creatively and all the while doing it in a context of fun. As I advise students now, I see so much of your method in me. Much of who I am as an advisor and a scientist was fostered early by you. I never told you that, but clearly I should have- just never expected you to go so soon...
The last time I spoke with you was last year when I called you about our family tree. You sounded great and were so excited about your daughter Janice getting married. I laughed when you invited me to the wedding right then and there without even talking to Janice... I am obviously regretting not going now, but I am so glad I called you and got to speak with you for awhile.
I think the hardest death I have experienced in my life was grandma, but yours is easily the second. I loved you both so dearly and will always think back to the days when I was hanging out there as a kid, just laughing and having fun with the both of you. I hope you are both having fun now. You both really have such a similar spirit of love and ease about life. I really have been blessed in my life to be surrounded by so much love. I can only hope that when my time comes I will have influenced folks in the same way.
I cried today listening to a Dead Kennedy's song. While that sounds weird, there are at least a few people in the world that remember your beloved car with the word Buzzbomb spray painted on the side of it. What a piece of crap car that was. I still cry occasionally thinking about grandma and she died in 1994. I am sure it will be the same with you. Do you remember when she passed I created a jar with keepsakes to remember her by? At the top is a handkerchief that I wept on at her funeral. I am weeping on it now as I write this. I will bring it with me to your funeral this weekend as well. Something to keep that I can share with my own boys years from now about those that helped make me into the person I am today. Thank you for being my closest friend all those years. Thank you for being that older brother I never had. Thank you for your mentoring and your protection and your love.
I love you man and I will miss you dearly. When my time comes, I hope you have a Rosa's burrito on the table waiting for me. Maybe then we can catch up on all we have missed out on in each others lives, or maybe we'll just go to the track to bet on horses. Until then...
Your favorite nephew,
Jake
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Perfect Storm
Of course it begins with Rachel being away on a trip. I brag to everyone how I can easily handle it all, and so am just begging the fates to throw me a curveball.
Midnight, last night, it arrives. I hear Lucas crying and so I get up to comfort him and put him back to bed. I meet him in the front room, where he is vomiting all over our carpet. Sweet. A nice dark brown against our nearly white carpet with nice chunks of fruit snacks littered about. Awesome. So, I direct him to the bathroom to finish his wreching and proceed to cleanup mode. It is not faring well for me. At that point, Lucas informs me that he also threw up in his bed. So we walk downstairs looking for a trail of vomit and much to my relief there seems to be no other spots... until... I reach his bed. I would have snapped a photo except for the fact that it would have I am certain made you vomit right on your keyboard. There was a huge pool of vomit on his bed. Another huge pool of vomit on the floor on one side of his bed, and a modest pool of vomit on the other side. Lovely. I am relieved that I can at least just grab all the bedding and scoop it up, I then try to meet the challenge of sopping up the floor. I proudly did not vomit myself- but given that cleaning is not one of my gifts, there is still the mark of the beast all over that room. After sopping up most of the wet mess, it actually required me to vacuum up the bits of chips and fruit snacks the were all over. After about an hour of cleaning, I finally gave up and went to bed. Lucas was in my bed, and I was hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't throw up in the bed. And... he didn't!
Cue next morning, the normal hustle and bustle but being a man down was not helping matters. Lucas says he has to go to the bathroom and bam Montazuma's revenge. So, normally a parent would use these signs as a cue to not send your child to school. I have to lecture today though, and have no backup for childcare. I clearly cannot send him to day care because he is sick, but he'll be fine at school- right? Once I do the enviable task of wiping him, I let him know the great secret of loose stool- "Lucas, if you feel like you have to fart... don't!" 15 minutes later, I am dressed and ready as is Lucas... Ben not so much. Lucas doesn't look right. I ask him "Lucas, are you ok?" "I don't want to tell you" is his reply. Apparently, he did not heed my advice, and crapped his pants. So, I take him to the bathroom and carefully pull off his poo soaked tightie whities when he freaks out and flails a leg. That sprays poop soup all over the floor and his socks and legs. I throw his underwear in the toilet to wash off the slop and then proceed to wipe him again. I wipe and wipe and wipe and then decide I had better flush the toilet before it gets clogged with TP. The second I pull the handle I remember that his underwear are in the pot! Too late... plugged up. So with crap all over everywhere, I am forced to reach into the bowl of fun and feel the underwear with the tips of my fingers way up the pipe. After a couple minutes of slight tugging I finally manage to free the courageous pair of underwear and then commence the quick cleaning. We are scheduled to leave in 5 minutes.
In a mad rush, I get things manageably clean while then demanding Ben to get dressed (this was the fifth time I told him). He said no for the last time, and I totally lost it on him for his oppositional behavior. I undressed him and dressed him without a fight, I think because he didn't want to chance being physically harmed. Checking the clock, and seeing we were only a few minutes behind, I thought we just might make it after all. Barring one incident where Ben slammed Lucas' hand in the door, we made it to the truck and were on our way. I glanced back in the rear view mirror and saw a completely exhausted and sickly child and realized that there was no way I could leave him at school. If he crapped his pants at school, it would just be a total nightmare for everyone. So, I dropped Ben off and headed back home. After a quick nap on the couch Lucas was feeling better and I took him to class with me. Aptly, it was disease ecology so I got to use him as a prop for how sickness can alter an individual's normal behavior. He played with my iPad the entire lecture- so he actually fit right in with the other students...
We are home now and he is sacked out on the couch. I am still trying to figure out how to remove vomit stains and hoping that another crapping spell does not rear its ugly... well rear.
Lucas finally out...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
(On a crappy internet connection- I’ll add photos later.)
Day 2- Museums and Bondi
Another full day planned in Sydney! We start out early and head to the Sydney aquarium. A short walk over to Darling Harbour and a morning coffee and muffin made for a nice brecky. We head into the aquarium not know what to expect. It is basically a walk through the different regions of Australia. It started with rivers and such and I was thinking that it was ok, but not that great of an aquarium. After perusing a few areas then we started to get into a cool exhibit- the Dugons. Apparently, these are the source for all the mermaid legends- how, I have no idea. They look like a walrus without whiskers or tusks. Regardless, the exhibit was cool. There was a huge pool that we walked to the bottom of and then walked down two tunnels at the bottom of it. Kind of like a cool shark exhibit that I have seen at several other places. Loads of fish and a couple of those Dugons. We kept on going and then found another pool just like the Dugon one, but filled with sharks. That one was way cooler because of the sharks, but it also had a couple sea turtles in it as well. It was great fun and then got even more interesting when we saw a nurse shark clamped down on another’s fin. I thought that was odd that a shark would be attacking another one of roughly the same size… until I realized that it wasn’t “attacking” her but rather mating. An aquarium worker was amazed it was happening and said it was an incredibly rare thing to see. After that it only got cooler as we started into the great barrier reef region. Crazy bright and many colored fishes! I cannot wait to dive and see them in person!
After the museum, we jumped on a nearby train out to Bondi Beach. We were told it was a place to see, and we thought it would be fun to get out of the city. So after a 10 min train ride and another 10 min bus ride we found ourselves at Bondi. It was quite frankly breathtaking. It was so amazingly scenic and I would say the most beautiful beach spot that I have ever been to. One of my favorite features was an Olympic sized swimming pool that was built up against a cliff and was immediately adjacent to the ocean. As the set came in, you can watch the waves crash over the wall into the pool. So cool. Rach and I grabbed some fish and chips at a fish market and went down to the beach for lunch. These were the real deal. The guy wrapped it all up in paper and handed it to me. Felt like the real deal! We went for a hike up the cliffs to a bluff with a great lookout site. Totally amazing.
We then took the trip back and got off at the train stop near our hotel. We took a walk through Hyde Park. Looked sort of cool from the 12th story where our room was, but really cool from the park itself. We traversed the park to get to the Australia Museum- the natural history museum for the country. I love natural history museums, so I was having a great time- but poor Rachel was just totally beat. The coolest part for me was the section dedicated to ancient Australian animals. I never knew there was a Tasmanian tiger before. Can you imagine a marsupial tiger? All extinct now of course, but just fun to go to the other side of the world and learn about an entirely new fauna both extant and extinct. We headed back to the hotel for a nap, then just had a quick dinner before turning in early yet again.
Day 3- Road trip!
We were up again early and a good thing because we had a bus waiting for us at 7:45am. We booked a trip to the Blue Mountains and took a tour bus there. It was fun to see the sights, but the driver alone was worth the price of the trip. Daryl got on the microphone about 8:30am and never stopped talking. Normally you expect a tour guide to tell you something, pause for a bit, and then tell you something else. Not Daryl. It actually felt like we were having a conversation with someone who never lets you get a word in. He would even ask us questions, hear a mumble, and just run with it. Totally hilarious. So, he gave us the background on everything we could possibly want to know- even to the detail where he would tell us the building said one year and a book he read said another year. He even told us that his favorite “lollis” (chocolate fish) were all bought up at his favorite “lolli shop.” Which of course, we had to visit. Anyway, on our tour we first stopped at Featherdale wildlife park- which was totally amazing. Mainly because there were kangaroos just loose around the park. They brought out koalas for us to pet, and then gave us food to feed the kangaroos. Petting kangaroos, koalas, and even emus was just totally cool. Rachel really enjoyed it as well, as evidenced by the 50 photos I took of her petting all the animals. She was not too keen on the emu, though. That bird was a monster I have to admit. I also got to hold a good sized skink. Pretty fun place. They also had tons of other caged animals. Loads of birds, a reptile house, and all the requisite Aussie mammals: dingos, wombats, wallaroos, Tasmanian devils… From there we hopped in the bus off to Scenic World. Sounds like a totally cheesy place, but basically it is an abandoned mine area that has been converted into a tourist attraction. The deal is basically to look at the scenic “Three sisters” which is a rock formation in the Blue Mountains. Then you can hitch a ride to the valley floor and back in Scenic World. We rode down the mine train, which is the worlds steepest something or other. I have to say, it was intense. I was marveling at how we were able to be at such a steep angle and going so slow. I think I have been that steep before on an amusement park ride but going 100mph. Going only 10mph was way intense because you just felt like the car was going to let go of the track and then that would be it! We walked around the valley and looked at some old mining equipment, and then headed back up a skyway type cable car. Pretty cool spot, and definitely worth the trip. We also hit a couple lookouts and took some photos of the mountains and the valley. The trip ended with a trip through Olympic village- the area where the 2000 games were held. Pretty cool to see for sure. The bus then dropped us off at wharf where we took the “River Cat” back to Circular Quay. Pretty cool cruising into Sydney Harbour at night from the other direction. I tried some photos, but nothing too successful- more fun to just stand there and take it all in. We had some pizza for dinner and then made our way back to the hotel. Had to gear up to leave our beautiful hotel and head out for the great unknown city of Townsville!
Day 4- Australia goes from heaven to hell…
So we wake up early yet again- 4am and try to sleep to stay on Sydney time. Since we have an early start, we decide to just leave early and head for the airport. We figure that taking the train will be cheaper than a $30 cab fare to the airport. So, we haul our monster bags down to the train station to get to the ticket office and find out that two tickets to the airport cost… $30. Oh well. The train ride was fast and uneventful. We get up to the terminal and check in without a problem. I select 2 bags to check in, Rachel selects one. We go to turn the bags in, and it turns out that our heavy bag is 23 kilograms, and the limit is 20. Bummer. We start getting ready to move stuff around when the attendant asks if we have three bags. Apparently, we are only allotted 20 kilos for each of us. Between us though, we have 57 kilos. 17 over. No worries, she says. Just an extra charge for the weight. $10 per kilo! So, we had to pay $170 to bring our extra bag… which means we have to pay $170 to bring it back to Sydney. Needless to say, this put a horrific damper on our day. We were both in utter disbelief and just shell shocked about paying that much for a bag. But, we really had no choice… Strike one. We get on board and the plane seems great, so perhaps we can get over it. Just give me a coke and I’ll read for a few hours. Coke, sir? That’ll be $4. Strike two. I nixed that. So, we land and go to pick up the rental car. No problems there, an upgrade in fact! We get our bags ok and head out to the car. Fun thing about Australia is that they drive on left side of the road. Have I ever driven on the left side of the road? Nope. Steering wheel is on the right… thank god the pedals were not switched or it would be a total mess. So, we bravely head out to the Hotel with Rachel uttering her mantra “Jake, stay to the left… Jake, stay to the left… Jake, stay to the left…” I navigate the streets quite well, actually. Mostly, I drive too far to the left a couple times because I am used to sitting on the other side of the car. I still turn on the windshield wipers every time I want to turn, seems like they should switch those too… We arrive at our resort hotel only to find that is pretty far from any beach. It is also a little too Motel like. We can clearly hear our neighbor through the wall and Rachel is not feeling this place at all. Hard to come down from the VIP treatment at the Sheraton, but this is borderline sketchy. Strike 3. We decide to just get some food and let it all sink in. Rachel would rather we walk, but there really is nothing around our resort Motel- so I convince her to let me drive again. We head to the nice strip only to find that no one will serve food until 5pm. It was 3:30pm. Strike 4? Luckily, we find a place for some Fish and Chips and chow it down. We head back to the resort and I startup our wireless internet. A $14 charge and so crappy that I have flashbacks to dial up times. I am typing this in a word document because I know it would cut out if I dared do it in the browser! Strike 5… I have been around enough now to know that I don’t have to be unhappy. So, I make sure that I can cancel the rest of our stay here and find a nice hotel on the strand for a cheaper rate! So we are putting up with it tonight, but the rest of the week we’ll be at a tolerable hotel. More later on whether it is up to par or not tomorrow. I head off to the conference tomorrow at James Cook University. I’ll have to come back to move Rachel over to the other hotel, but will only miss a talk to do it. I’ll make sure I pick a lame one! Ha.